opinios

Automatic Trying Machines

This post was going to be a whinge about ATMs in Japan.

First I was going to delve into the usability problems of touch screens, mainly because I was stuck behind this old man last week for twenty-five minutes while he umm'd and ahh'd as he tried to transfer money. I do feel for the guy - during the day when sun comes into the ATM booth that screen is quite difficult to read. But honestly, ask for some help fella, don't just plug away at it when you are clearly getting nowhere! (someone did help him in the end).

Next I was going to deride the Japanese banking system for living in the dark ages and shutting their machines down overnight. That's right, folks. You can't use most ATMs after about 7pm on weeknights, or 5pm on weekends. Isn't that ridiculous?? Oh sure, there is the occasional machine open near major stations. And some 24 hour convenience stores have ATMs in them. But even they are only usable until midnight!

Who knows. Maybe they worry about the machines getting tired. Perhaps they want to save on electricity (although the vending machines keep on whirring).

But anyway, I can't really bag ATMs like I was going to. Because they saved my arse today.

I had ordered my sandwich from Subway, and when I went to pay realized I had a measly 312 yen on me. Nope, not enough for the sandwich and drink that the girl at the counter was in the middle of handing over the counter to me.

I did the very Japanese gesture for "how embarrassing" of rubbing my head, mumbled that I would get some money out at the ATM around the corner and would she please wait a minute. Then I ran to the bank...

...only to remember that pay day was tomorrow, and that I had pretty much sucked my account dry paying for an air ticket to China (we leave on Friday).

Doh.

The thing is, I never realized that ATMs in this country dispensed coins. And wasn't it lucky that my account balance rang in at 517 yen, which was just enough for me to make a pathetic withdrawal (hope that nobody saw me withdraw a 500 yen coin from an ATM) hurry back to the shop, and pay for my sandwich.

Hell, I even had enough for a drink.

It's All In A Logo

On April 1st, Tokyo's government-subsidized Teito Rapid Transit Authority (the Eidan subway for short) will be privatized and renamed to the Tokyo Metro.

I do wonder about the new logo though. When I see that 'M' I just can't help but conjure up an image of that famous multinational hamburger chain. In fact, I wonder how close the logo is to the "Golden Arcs" (not the Golden Arches) of McDowell's Restaurant from that classic 80s movie Coming to America, starring Eddie Murphy. Can anyone confirm or deny?

Anyway, I guess the designers did their research and people will get used to the new look. User studies have shown that Japanese people generally do require their marketing to be cute and fuzzy, more so than the rest of us. Still, I wonder if the kiosks on the platforms will start selling hamburgers soon, in addition to the chocolate, rice crackers, mints, genki drinks and everything else.

Really though, what was wrong with the old logo? The Superman-esque signage has been around since 1927 (I think?) and will definitely be missed by this little underground commuter.

Talkin' Dirty Wit' Da Boyz

Today was by far the easiest 10,000 yen I ever made.

It was a make-up lesson for the Wednesday night English class that I teach at a pharmaceuticals company in the countryside. Well, I use the word "lesson" loosely, because all we did was play some word games for about half an hour, and then headed off to the pub for the rest of the night.

Me and nine cancer research scientists.

Chatting outside of the classroom (and with them not wearing their white lab coats) meant a lot of the barriers were swept aside. I mean, my lessons are relatively informal affairs, but to quote my old house mate Bruce, alcohol is a wonderful social lubricant.

And when there are no females present, the conversation invariably turns to the gutter.

Exchanging Japanese and English phrases for various taboo terms became the norm, and pretty soon the worst in everyone came out. I should mention that these are all really quite conservative, decent, family-oriented chaps. I am sure the knowledge they imparted me with is possibly indicative of the nature of some of Japan's underground manga that they read... therefore if you are offended by extremely coarse language then I do advise you against reading the rest of this post.

Don't say I didn't warn you...

As a result of our minds being in the gutter I learnt the words paipan (shaved pussy), musuko (literally, "son", referring to one's willy), Yatte! (F*ck her!!), Yachai! (Let's f*ck her!!), koman and manko (both slang terms for, ahem, c*nt), senzuri (literally, a thousand rubs, meaning masturbation) and some Osaka-ben: Ware, nani sarosh ton ne? (What the f*ck do you think you're doing??).

In exchange for this crucial survival vocabulary, I passed on to them the universally useful phrases of: down the hatch, pork sword, "the gate is open but the monster is asleep", "the flag is at half-mast", whore, whorehouse, bearded clam and Map of Tasmania.

Hey, they specifically asked, ok? They are all grown men, I trust them to use this new-found knowledge responsibly.

And to top the night off, I suffered the ultimate in train-travelling embarrassment - I had to be woken up by the conductor when we got to the end of the line because I had passed out in a drunke stupor, shoes off and feet on the seat and all.

My god, I'm turning Japanese...

Look Ma, No Hands!

Returning a video to the video store tonight (Confessions of a Dangerous Mind starring Sam Rockwell, George Clooney, Drew Barrymore, Julia Roberts, plus a host of cameos - surprisingly good!) I decided to try a little experiment.

I attempted to ride my bike all the way all the way to the video store without holding the handlebars.

I know, I know. This is dangerous. My mother always used to drop patronising comments hinting not-so-subtly that it was "just asking for trouble". Cars backing out at the last minute. Little kids. Old grannies. Stones on the road.

Pah, I say live a little. It is exhilirating to lean back and not have to worry about steering. Kinda like you're being chauffered. And yet you're getting exercise at the same time!

I've always done it ever since I was a kid, and haven't had a prang yet (not as a result of not holding onto the handle bars, anyway). There was this one time that I ploughed smack bang into the back of a parked car because it was really windy and I had my head down to try and form the most optimal aerodynamic shape possible, but that's another story...

In short, it is amazing what control you can have over your bicycle just by shifting your weight to the left and right.

Here are some more tips:
* choose a time for your record-setting when there is not much traffic about. This might sound obvious but in Japan this also includes people-traffic, as having a thick throng of commuters crowd your path will complicate matters.
* look ahead at the traffic lights and watch how they are changing. It helps to know the sequence along your path well, so that you can alter your route accordingly.
* try riding in a higher gear - it is not about speed, it is about pressure on the pedals.
* uphill is better than downhill, maybe surprisingly. Again, this is due to the increased control you have when you are motoring forward with your legs. As soon as you gain a bit of speed going downhill, you lose the torque on the pedals and with it your ability to swing the vehicle left and right.
* don't be scared by going up or down gutters, bumps in the road etc. Honestly, just keep those legs working and you will glide over them fine. If you are worried, just hover your hands above the bars during the hairy moments, so that you can grab them if there is any unexpected jiggling.
* if you start to go a bit fast, it is permissable to use your hands to shift gears, and as long as you don't apply any steadying to the handlebars with this change then I think it is acceptable to consider this a "no-touch maneuvre" and that you haven't "cheated".

Yes, that is the ultimate goal - getting from A to B with no hands. And I nearly did it tonight when returning the video! Except for the roadworks near Kanemecho station...

They have been doing work at this intersection every night for the entire two and a half years I have lived here, and they still haven't finished! As a result the gap between the flashing lights and the barriers was just too narrow.

Maybe next time.

Japanese Ceremoanies

Yesterday my junior high schools held their the graduation ceremonies. I went along to one of them last year, so pretty much knew what to expect, but a few little things along the way added some spice to what is otherwise a very dry, boring, drawn out affair that is way too formal for me to be able to sit through without falling asleep.

Here is the basic run-down:

• Lots of speeches.
• In alphabetical order each student gets up, one by one. Turns to honourable guests and bows. Turns to teachers and bows. Walks to foot of stairs to wait for student in front. Walks to top of stairs and bows to everyone. Responds "HAI!" when name is called out. Approaches school principal and bows. Receives certificate and bows to him again. Walks across stage to other stairs. Bows to everyone again. Goes down stairs and bows to guests AGAIN. Finally sits down. It is one big production line and not even the most rebellious students break the rhythm.
• More speeches.
• Some singing of the national anthem, the school song and some other Japanese song I had never heard (although by this stage all the graduating students are sniffling wrecks and even the biggest pains in the arse who are always getting in trouble and never come to class are fighting back tears while trying to sing).
• Students run off to the park to take photos of each other and sign each others' year books.

This is pretty much the same every year, at every junior high school in Japan. Very emotional for the kids. One big factory operation for spectators.

But this year there were a few variations on the rigid structure.

• A minor tantrum in the staffroom by one of the office staff over the lack of names on the seating layout for office staff (I never realised the division between office staff and teachers at my school was so big until now).
• A minor earthquake during the middle of a speech by one of the second years, telling the third years how they have been such great role models and taught them so much.
• The school principal basing his entire speech around a thorough analysis of the lyrics to the boy band SMAP's hit song Sekai ni hitotsu dake no hana ("The only flower in the world"), what the words meant to him, and how this applied to a young person moving up into adulthood.

And lastly...

• Two of my favourite second year students breaking down and sobbing, repeatedly, releasing more tears than all of the graduating third year students combined, because they found out that I was going back to Australia and they would miss me.

Nyah, aint it sweet to be loved. Ganbatte, Ozu-san and Nitta-san!!!

Fiery Relationships

Our next door neighbours are quite something.

Usually they are quiet enough and keep to themselves. Everyone in our apartment block does. It's a Tokyo big-city thing that people generally mind their own business. I've bumped into them once or twice, as I was leaving the apartment or arriving home, and had a bit of a chat. They are a young couple like us; he is quite giggly and chatty, she is rather quiet and shy. But they are both nice enough.

Until they get on the piss. Then they make a racket.

Now, we have had our fair share of parties. I'm sure that the company we keep (you know who you are) are pretty boisterous when plied with a few Kirin Lagers. But generally we try to make sure the shenanigans don't go past midnight (the "last train" generally takes care of that) or we move the party to the local karaoke bar.

Last night our neighbours were being a bit raucous and were obviously knocking back some beers. Good for them.

But around 10:30 the argument started. They started screaming at each other. Through our thin walls we heard an uninterrupted stream of shouting, banging of doors and throwing of things across the room (it sounded like a plate or two got broken). They were really loud.

I've heard these two go at it before. Hell, all couples have the occasional barney. But when these two get some booze in them it seems that they unleash all the furious anger held in by the conservative polite Japanese facade. And it's not like they get it out of their system and then kiss-and-make-up - they make it an all-night affair and scream at each other until their voice boxes run out.

I got a bit worried because a couple of times I heard the girl say itai yo, yamete! (It hurts, stop it!) and I couldn't work out whether he was beating her or whether they were just partaking in a bit of drunken rough sex. Anyway, at 1am when it still hadn't let up I banged on the wall a few times.

That shut 'em up.

This morning I heard them walk past our front door. They were giggling and genki as if nothing had ever happened.

Just like last time.

The Garden Gets Its Due

Congratulations to Dave Shea for his incredible web site, CSS Zen Garden winning Best Developer’s Resource and the prestigious Best of Show awards at the SXSW event in Austin Texas.

Yes, I know I'm not in the US and have never been to this event but it does seem to be the definitive occasion for awards to graphic artists online. And I love the site so it is good to see it getting some major recognition.

Now, I must get back to that entry I was working on a while ago...

What's Cool, What's Not

When I was at uni I started reading Wired magazine religiously.

It's no longer part of the magazine's format, but back then there was a section called "Wired/Unwired" which was basically a list of what was cool, and what was not. Everything from gadgets, clothes, bands and video games got either a hip stamp of approval, or a cluck-cluck of the editorial team's tongue.

When it comes to designing a web page, there has definitely been a trend for things to become popular and then fade away. As a result, below is my very geeky list of what is currently hip to include in your personal web site, and what you need to give the boot.

Some are obvious, others might not be; some are easy to go about, others require huge learning curves. But we all have to start somewhere!

Let me know if you think of any more or have any improvements to suggest.

Site Aspect	Unwired	Wired
Layout	Tables and Frames	Pure CSS
Site statistics	free counters from thecounter.com, SiteMeter or NedStat	reports by ReportMagic and referrals by PHP refer
Animation	Java applets	Flash
Headings	The ‹FONT› and ‹BLINK› tags	your choice of Image Replacement techniques
Links	Custom colours	Custom underlines
Doctype	HTML 4.01	XHTML 1.0 strict
Reimbursement	Paypal donation	Amazon wishlist
Publicity	Webrings	Blog comment communities
Browser	Internet Explorer	Mozilla Firefox
Page Use	Cramming as much as possible into your limited screen space	Minimalist designs with ample whitespace
Content Management	Blogger or LiveJournal	Movable Type/TypePad, TextPattern or WordPress
Page Construction	Frontpage or Dreamweaver	Araneae, Homesite or JEdit
Feedback	Guestbooks	Trackbacks
Images	Photoshopped Borders and Animated GIFs	Random PNG images highlighted with CSS Drop Shadows
Background images	Repeating Patterns	Fixed Position Images
Inspiration	Cool Site Of The Day	CSS Zen Garden
Resource	Webmonkey	A List Apart
Client Side Image Maps	Fireworks Sliced Rollovers	CSS again (is there anything it can't do?)
Dropdown Menus	Javascript Hacks	CSS-2 Menus
Server Side Includes	SHTML	PHP
Floatover Labels	Browser-default Yellow	Big and black like on Dunstan's blog
Sidebar	Blogroll, Currently Reading	Recent Posts, XML Syndication
Search	Search Google	Search this site
Spam (not that any spam is cool!)	Email spam, Comments spam	Referrer spam
Gratuitous Tokyo ex-pat link	Antipixel	35 Degrees

PS. Just kidding Jeremy!

*Updated 12:57pm

Why Do Ya Have To Be A...?

Yesterday was my last day at my favourite school.

I have a big fan in the second grade, Ozu-san, who is always first to answer questions in her class and is super genki and friendly in the hallway. She bawled at the end of the last lesson, the poor thing. Her classmates were laughing at her and I could do nothing except just comfort her and say Daijobu, yo! (You'll be ok!) I have taught these kids for two years and will definitely miss them. I had no idea they would miss me to the extent of breaking down in tears though.

Some of my third year students had a home economics lesson in the afternoon and used it as an opportunity to cook me a milk crepe, filled with custard and a big dob of cream on the side. It was delicious. It felt kinda awkward eating it at my desk while none of the other teachers had anything, but I woofed it down anyway.

And then I waved goodbye to the teachers in the staff room for the last time, walked out the door, and that was that.

Goodbyes are weird.

Prettying Things Up

Here's something that I never knew about Windows XP. The Cleartype setting (right-click on Desktop --> Properties --> Appearance --> Effects) makes fonts so much smoother and more beautiful to read.

Check out the difference:

   I can't believe I have been putting up with pixelated type for so long. If it doesn't slow your machine down too much, give it a go!

Music 101: The Hidden Modes

Exciting And Ambitious Times Ahead

On the off chance that you were perhaps wondering what the next few months had in stall for me, I am going to flesh it all out here. May be interesting if you know me personally. May not be. Definitely quite boring if you don't. It is mostly more for myself, to clarify what needs doing and get excited about what lies ahead. You have been warned...

Next week:
I have the final classes at my schools. One school I won't be too sad to leave as one teacher that I have most of my contact with is a disorganized mess, and the kids are mostly either too serious about their study or too disinterested to participate.

My other school, however, has been nothing short of great, almost all of the students and all of the teaching staff there are fantastic (except for that one smart-arse kid). Leaving there will be sad as I really felt like I was a valued member of the faculty and that we were really delivering quality English lessons. The final classes just involve playing games, though. And I get paid for that, remember.

The rest of March:
My big build-up of annual leave kicks in and I have bugger all to do, teaching-wise. The occasional class, a couple of junior high graduation ceremonies - maybe a few hours a week. Bliss. I do have to write up a lot of documentation for my company's web site though, so that the guy who is taking over from me has some clue of how to update and maintain it in the future.

If possible I also want to make some changes to the site, as it is currently implemented using HTML code generated by the software package I use, and since building it I have learnt a lot about web standards and how I should have gone about it (thanks for lending me that excellent book, Martine!) I wouldn't normally bother as it is "good enough" and looks fine, except that I plan to use this site as showcase of my skills when I get back to Australia and start looking for web design work...

First half of April:
We are thinking of taking a trip to China. It may or may not include swinging by South Korea on the way. This is very exciting as I think after two and a half years, Japan looks less and less foreign to me, so it is harder to feel like you are impressed by stuff when travelling. But culturally, geographically, historically, these two countries will be exciting and interesting. Kim's knee is showing promising signs that it will be up for the kind of prolonged walking we will likely do, so I must remember to organize that visa next week!

Second half of April:
We come back to Japan and spend time tying up loose ends - farewell parties (as many as possible), dinners with people we haven't had the chance to see much lately, getting rid of our furniture and appliances, shipping back boxes of our crap that we have accumulated to Melbourne, cleaning the apartment (in vain, as we just know we won't get any of our bond back), cancelling phone contracts and utilities... there is bound to be other stuff related to moving to another country that comes up. Let me know if I missed anything obvious!

First half of May:
Flying to Cairns, staying with my cousin and her champion husband for a couple of weeks as we prepare for the big wedding day (May 15). We will probably buy the rings and I'll look for a tuxedo or something to wear during this period. Sort out any last minute stuff with the hotel we are having it. Praying for nice weather so that we can have the ceremony on the beach as hoped. Hanging out with family members that we haven't seen for years, seeing lots of babies for the first time, winding down and adjusting culturally (not from Japan, but TO Queensland!!) and finally taking the plunge with my beloved Kim.

Second half of May:
A five day honeymoon at an overpriced hotel, which will hopefully include lots of snorkelling on the Great Barrier Reef, some sailing, and generally being lazy on the beach with a cocktail in one hand and a trashy novel in the other. Then finally making the move back to Melbourne, finding somewhere to live, finding a job, maybe buying a car, getting settled back into a routine again. Adjusting always takes time. I think it was over four months last time I lived overseas before I felt like I was "comfortably home" again when I went back.

Somewhere along the way:
I also hope to do some more fiddling with personal web sites in between all that (I told you my plans are always ambitious!) My kanji web site is slowly coming along but I might have to put it on hold so that I can get a few sites for other people under my belt. Apart from overhauling my present employer's site, I have a few other contacts in small and not so small companies that have expressed an interest in me building or giving a makeover to their web sites, and if I can deliver something to them, I will at least have some kind of portfolio to show the world, "Look what I can do!"

I am even thinking about approaching some of the businesses while I am in Cairns, and expounding my proficiency in Japanese (I won't mention that exam) and seeing what the reaction is. I guess I'll need to have business cards made up for that. Must get onto that.

I also think opinios might change a bit (again); I am happy enough with the layout for writing but it looks crap if I include an image in the post, so I need to rethink that. Plus I need a more professionally-oriented site to show potential clients/employers, and I plan to post a few web-related articles and tutorials that I have written recently, to give my web presence some element of credibility. My god, I haven't made a resume for myself for about three years...

Whew! What does your next few months hold?

Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction

Somebody. Please. Tell me how this happened. Man, this is one messed up world...

I'll Have The Usual...

I have quite the routine going on Wednesday evenings.

After a full day teaching at junior high school I am pretty tired, so I sleep most of the one hour train ride to Hanno, in Saitama, where I teach an evening business class at a pharmaceuticals company.

By the time the train pulls in I have had my nap, am feeling refreshed, and usually have an hour or so to kill at the bakery/coffee shop in the station (strangely named Prince Fournier). I have been teaching this class for nearly two years now, and I always come to this bakery before my class to kill time, so they know me pretty well.

And they know what I order.

I don't mean to be boring, and normally I like to mix it up, trying different things. But sometimes you need comfort and routine. As a result whenever I come to Prince Fournier I always have an ice cafe au lait (aisu cafe o-reh) with whatever lemon pie, cinnamon bun or custard cream tart takes my fancy. The pastries at this place are delicious and the ice au lait is the closest thing I have found in Japan to a decent tasting iced coffee (ask for an ice coffee anywhere in Japan and you will get a black, bitter, cold coffee. Yuk.) Farmers Union it aint, but it goes down ok nonetheless.

It's hilarious. By the time I have picked out my cakes and nibbles, the smiling staff already have a cup churning out the cafe au lait from the drink machine, and I haven't even placed my order yet. It makes me feel very welcome and all warm inside. I have often wanted to say "the usual, please", like in a Seinfeld episode, but they always beat me to it!

Only today, I just didn't feel like it.

I feel like I am maybe coming down with a cold, and thought I should avoid dairy products and perhaps go for an orange juice. But before I could spit this out, the iced coffee had already been made. They are always so nice here so I didn't feel like I could not accept the drink, especially when I have been enjoying this special treatment up until now. I would hate to see them hesitate next week when I go back to the ice au lait.

So I drank it. And it tasted pretty darn good.

Still, I wish they would learn how to make an ice coffee without actually putting any ice in it...

Driving Me Crazy

Living in Tokyo means owning a car is pretty much an impossibility. And to be honest, I don't miss it too much. Sure, when we go home I will enjoy a good drive on the open road. But I definitely don't miss all the stress that comes with owning a car. Loans, registration, insurance, repairs, traffic jams.

Accidents.

I am a pretty safe driver. I mean, I was when I was driving regularly a few years ago in Australia. But I did have a few run-ins. Especially early in my driving career, as a young uni student driving mum or dad's car.

One time I drove into the city to go to the movies with my buddy Paul. I pulled up outside his house in my Dad's beloved Holden Kingswood, parking right in front of a shiny maroon-coloured 4WD, and dashed in to grab him. He had been expecting me and was ready to go.

But when we came out the car was gone.

I couldn't believe it. I had been away from the car for three, maybe four minutes. I couldn't remember seeing anyone lurking around when I left the car. I raced ahead and looked desperately down the next street, both ways, but it was definitely gone. I trudged back into Paul's house and called Dad.

We also telephoned the police and notified them to be on the alert for a cream-coloured Kingswood in the area. I was kicking myself for being so careless.

Little did I know.

About 100 metres back down the street was a white deli. You know, a milk bar that sells meat pies and crisps and lollies. But not just any old deli - this was THE deli that they used to film the famous "Balfours" TV commercial with the little kid lining up to get a pie from the Balfours shop, and "What about me?" singing in the background. Paul told me about the time it was filmed across from his house, and how his mum had made sandwiches for the film crew.

Backed into one of the poles of the verandah for this Adelaide landmark was Dad's car. Because I had parked with the steering wheel slightly turned, it had rolled backwards, narrowly missed the 4WD, and crossed to the other side of the road before ploughing into it. The pole had cushioned the impact, preventing the car from going through the front window of the deli.

Kids, always put your handbrake on.