opinios

Doubletriplespeak

Anyone who knows me well enough knows that politically I am most definitely firmly southpaw. It's not that I am hell bent on one particular party or ideal, just that when you sum up everything that I hold to be important, apparently it turns out that I come out a leftie.

Personally I believe that there are so many issues in politics that it is unfair to classify someone as being a "leftie" or a "rightie", but surveys like this confirm that indeed that is where I seem to lie (right next to Ghandi!) Apparently because I believe that the following are things that are important - health care, education, environment, community support, compassion for one's fellow human beings - then that is where I sit on the spectrum. So be it.

For some reason there is sometimes a stigma associated with holding beliefs like this. I have been labelled "communist" during conversations held in the office of a previous employer (the last time I bring up politics around the water cooler!) Naturally this I took offence to. I have also been labelled "unpatriotic" for suggesting ideas such as Australia's immigration policy is messed up. But that is another story.

My point, even though I do not in principle support conservative governments, is that it is time for conservatives around the world to take back the word "conservative".

Before I ever started educating myself about even the basics of politics, I could never understand why essentially right-wing parties who place the health of a nation's economy above everything else, were labelled as being "conservative". I stupidly took this word for its more regular meaning of "moderate" or "cautious". It seemed to me that these parties' viewpoints were far from the middle-road.

Silly me!

My well-read friend Andrew explained to me how the word relates to those who favour traditional views and values. That is, those who tend to oppose change.

If that is the case, then the conservative governments of today are letting their teams down. President Bush and his trigger happy policies towards foreign affairs is causing more change than any progressive Democrat government could ever dream of. The long-serving Howard government of Australia is a party to this in providing the assistance it does. The world is indeed changing, but it aint for the better.

Saddam is gone, and on the surface Iraq may seem to be on track to stability. But one gets the feeling that things haven't finished in the region. Attitudes towards the West certainly haven't improved as a result. There are probably 10 times more 9/11 plots being formulated than there would have been if we hadn't had the Iraq war.

And these problems overseas are convenient distractions for the problems back home. The divide between rich and poor is growing and everyone seems to be pretending otherwise.

To me a conservative approach to investigating whether a country possesses weapons of mass distraction is to wait. Wait until someone finds something. The decision to go to war should be one that is a huge deviation from the general consensus, not the conservative opinion.

So, where do we start with the word "Liberal" then...?

Please, Sir, May I Have Some More...?

Freudian Slip

Today was my third year students' end of year exam.

The listening test, which my disorganised goose of a teaching partner asked me at the last minute to prepare, was delivered in real time over the school's PA system. Normally we would record the thing on tape (or on MiniDisc like my other well-organized school) but there was not enough preparation put into this whole shambles, so we ended up delivering it live.

Of course, this left little room for error. So when, during my description of what a great country Australia is (that I had pulled out of my arse) I accidentally let out that "it was important because of sharks to only swim at safe bitches", I realized that it was very lucky that I was the only native English speaker at the school, and the slip went by unnoticed...

"Indifference and Lethargy"

A lot of schools have a school motto.

You know, an inspiring catchphrase that is supposed to motivate students to live up to the ideals of the school's forefathers, blah blah. My old high school's motto was written in Latin: "In Dies Diligentius" (Working More Diligently Day By Day).

My regular elementary school's motto should be "Indifference and Lethargy". Today I was in a good mood and feeling lively so I had a bit of a sing song with the students. I had them doing The Hokey Pokey, I had them speeding through Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes. All this without any backing tape (the CD player they have provided me with is old and has never worked).

They loved it (of course they did, they're kids). One boy was so excited he punched me in the nads while he was dancing (he is actually a good student and I'm sure didn't intend to express his affection in such an unusual way - he was just so damn filled with joy).

However, the homeroom teachers just stood there and watched, expressionless. But it wasn't that they looked annoyed that I was stealing the show with my gaijin energy; it wasn't like they resented me being there. They just didn't care, either way.

When it was all over they said, in a monotone voice, thankyou and left. And that was that. I sighed, gathered my teaching materials, and pulled the door closed to the classroom.

At which point the door handle promptly fell off.

Ya Give Me Fever...

I am writing this entry with bloodshot eyes. Itchy, raging, stinging, red eyes that just cry out to be scratched and itched and rubbed until they close up and roll up into the inside of my head.

At last the cold of winter has shown signs of departing and the recent spate of warm days with clear skies has been most welcome. On Saturday Kim treated me to a wonderful picnic in the park: the weather was glorious, but jeez, the hayfever that comes with it is driving me crazy. I just have to open the door to the balcony and it seems that the whole apartment suddenly becomes infected with evil pollen that lodges itself under my eyeballs and tickles them relentlessly.

At least in Australia a couple of tablets of Claratyne was enough to ease the pain. I brought a stack over with me, but they don't seem to be as effective this year. Am I developing an immunity? Somebody, please, make it stop!

The Boys' Night Out

Went out on the town with the boys last night, which was a laugh. A combination of Nick landing a new job, the other Nick getting accepted into his teaching course, plus Al and my birthdays meant it was definitely a night for celebration (as compared to the original plan which was the evening being for Al and I to drown our sorrows for failing our Japanese exams!)

Kicking back in an Irish pub with good friends, eating fish 'n' chips, drinking Bass Pale Ale and Guinness, things were going great. Cute girls kept chatting us up (Hi there! I'm the prettiest girl in Japan!) which inflated our egos, and for a moment there I forgot I was in Japan and felt like I was in a pub back in my university days. But somewhere along the line, after an overzealous "Cheers!" which resulted in a pint glass being cracked, we let Rob talk us into going to Roppongi...

You want sex? Titty bar? Massage? This way! I treat you special! Hey boys! C'mon I've got women for you! You boys comin' in?

...cut to loud smoky dance club...

Doof doof doof doof! What was that? Rhythm is a dancer... I only wanted two Coronas! Oh, that is the price for two Coronas? I see. Doof doof doof doof! ..all night long!...oh yeah!...

We kept moving from crap club to crap club, before Steve, Al and I decided that enough was enough. We piled into a cab and headed for home while the party boys soaked up the "atmosphere". A highlight for the night was definitely Steve pulling out some of that angry Japanese that I love when a salaryman tried to jump the queue for our taxi, much to his disgusted surprise.

Ha ha. It was all good fun and I didn't pull up too badly this morning.

Happy Birthday to me!

Language Laughs

Okoru!

Who needs Japanese exams?

Today I knew that I had reached a point where my command of spoken Japanese is at a high level: I had to get angry at some students.

I don't know if you have heard a Japanese man get angry or not before. It actually sounds really cool. It is difficult to represent here but I'll try. A phrase like:

Nani o yatte'irundayo? (What the hell do you think you're doing???)

when shouted out by a native speaker of the language, just rolls off the tongue like poetry (although you probably wouldn't think so if it was being directed at you!) Really though, Japanese borders on the romance languages when the r's get rolled and if you can detach from the scary, intimidating factor that the guy is angry, it sounds very gutteral and masculine. And very rewarding.

I say 'man' because Japanese is a unique language in that it differs so much between male and female ways of saying things. And Japanese women would rarely use the kind of gutter talk that rough Japanese boys throw around. It's a bit different to Australia where the sheilas can fuckin' swear with the best of the bastards, mate.

So anyway, I had to teach a class today that is normally taught by Mr Suzuki (my idol as he is an absolute legend at getting angry in class). I normally wouldn't teach this class but he had to run off and deal with some student crisis so I was left this brat pack. Two thirds of the class are diligent but a group of smart-arse boys in the corner just wouldn't shut up and refused to write even one word on the paper in front of them (today's activity was an essay writing exercise entitled "My Best Friend").

It's funny because as a teacher I now realise that getting angry is all part of a controlled system that you have in place, and you are actually in control the whole time, even when shouting at someone. How good a disciplinarian you are is all a factor of how convincing your act is, and whether you can pull off the pretence that you are really pissed off at the student when actually you just want them to do their work.

At least that's how it is for me. But I'm not a hot-head by nature.

I nagged them and kept reminding them of how little time was left in the lesson to write their masterpiece, and I tried humiliating them by commenting how they were "carrying on worse than a pack of grandmas". I really raised my voice and shut a few of them up as they had never seem me like that before. It seemed to silence them for a couple of minutes, but soon enough they were back at it. They ducked out as soon as the bell rang, skipping the formal greetings that we usually have at the end of class.

But I know that I had succeeded because Mr Suzuki was in shock that I had got the worst offender, too-cool-for-school Tsuchiya-kun to at least write:

"My best friend is..."

Try getting the examiners of that stupid Japanese exam I sat to achieve that!

A New Look

Stop!

Don't click on the Back button of your browser. You didn't mistype the address or click on the wrong link. I decided it was time for a bit of a change.

I finally got round to moving opinios over to run on Movable Type, and changed the layout a bit while I was at it. I haven't quite finished, but basically I am a lot happier with the minimalist look. Less clutter is good.

The directory structure is a bit different though, so expect some teething problems. Please let me know of any weird stuff you see or any complaints you have in the comments (read the FAQ first!). I know the comments box and the monthly archives just look plain and unformatted, I'll work on them tomorrow.

Or Else What??

I work with some really nice teachers.

They are friendly, jovial and have a good rapport with the students. Even the principal is Mr Smiley. In fact, especially the principal: he walks around beaming a big grin from ear to ear and is always super chatty (maybe because he doesn't have to do any work and just delegates everything to the vice principal!)

The thing is, I remember when I was in primary school in Australia, our school principal was a mean, grumpy, intimidating old man. He scared the bejeezus out of me.

And this meant that the teachers had a fall-back plan for when one of the kids acted up in class. If you were talking at the back of the room, or being a smart-arse, the teacher would threaten to send you to the principal's office.

Now that was one place you did not want to go.

I remember being hauled in there with a group of four other boys when I was in second grade. A teacher had seen us spitting on the school yard. I almost shat my pants and was whimpering like a friggin cissy. You see, I was scared out of my wits (not least because of the big cane that the principal was wielding and intimidating us with.)

It was a system of discipline that worked. The teacher had something to threaten the kids with.

In Japan, there is nothing. One of my kids the other day threw a piece of chalk to/at me from the back of the room and it shattered on the floor. Another stuck some clothes pegs to the dress of his teacher when she wasn't looking. And once I saw one of the nastier of my second year boys being Mr Cool Guy and staring up a girl's dress while paying her compliments while she was sitting on the stairs, not sure whether to feel flattered or disgusted. If talking in class is the only misdemeanour for the day then it has been a successful lesson (even if it was all the way through a listening test!)

And teachers have nothing to fall back on.

The kids know that they can get away with whatever they like, because they think "Or else what? You're going to send me to the principal's office??

In this country that would almost be a reward, so it doesn't happen.

Electronic Indulgence

Ok, I take back that rubbish I wrote a while ago about not being sucked in to mass marketing.

Kim suggested that I look into those little PDA (Personal Digital Assistant) organiser thingies for my birthday this year, so I have been scouting around the different models on display at Tokyo's electronic stores.

The range is enormous, and so are some of the price tags.

My buddy Nick swears by his Sony Clie, which has a decent sized screen and a full keyboard while still not being too clunky to be portable. Of course there are dozens of different models within the Clie range, with some having faster processors or more memory for power business users, others having remote controls for when you use it as an MP3 player, and others sporting digital cameras with resolutions that rival some of the lower-end cameras on the market.

The thing that continued to swirl through my head while I played with these expensive toys in the store was, will I ever use it???

Sure, it's cool to be able to upload images back and forth from this device to your computer (there are even Bluetooth wireless options), it might be fun to show off to other people how you can watch a video in the palm of your hand (although a memory stick big enough to hold a decent sized movie will set you back the cost of the unit again!) and being able to write notes to myself on the touch-screen might mean I don't lose information that tends to go walkabout when I scribble it down on the touch screen.

But what if I drop the damn thing? Do I really need it? Will it really make my life easier or happier?

In the midst of the blaring jingles, flashing lights and screaming voice-overs advertising this and that, I realised I was actually beginning to feel depressed. Just looking at all these gadgets around me was making me dizzy with desire, as I started trying to justify to myself why I should get the most expensive model. I felt the sudden urge to do something that made me feel happy.

I needed to... run.

It's easy to forget that doing things that get neglected when you are caught up in the hustle and bustle of a big city is really important. Running as fast as you possibly can until you are full out of breath; randomly strumming a guitar; sitting down with a good book and losing yourself in another world; good food, good wine, a good movie, good company - when I'm feeling restless, these are the things that make me happy. Not some gadget.

So, what should I get for my birthday? Do I need anything? Do we ever really need anything in such affluent times? I have a wealthy life with an abundance of love and good health and friendship and safety and challenges and rewards. This I pondered as I broke into a sprint.

By the time I had run all the way home, I'd forgotten what the question was.

Pah, Japanese Schmapanese.

The Japanese Proficiency Exam results came out today.

Ok, so I did devote every waking moment for an entire year of my life to studying for the damn thing. And I did fork out loads of cash on an electronic dictionary, flash cards, grammar text books and past exams to give myself the best possible chance at passing it. I managed to convince the principal at my school to let me go early on Friday afternoons so that I could very diligently attend Japanese class with my wonderful teacher, Yamada sensei, every week. And yes, it is true that I actually took an entire week of annual leave leading up to the exam to spend 10 hour stints sitting at the local family diner cramming characters and vocab and grammar structures and quirky nuances of the language into my head (warning: this is not conducive to good health).

But for what? A shitty little piece of paper?

No, I didn't pass the stupid exam. I got 55% overall so I was close to the 60% pass mark, but not close enough. As I predicted, I passed the writing and listening sections no worries, but the reading stung me - mainly because I just ran out of time.

So yes, I'm a tad disappointed. I think the fact that instead of writing 'Attempt Unsuccessful' or 'An Insufficient Score Was Achieved', they use the word FAILED just to really rub it in.

But I tell you what, I would have been even more disappointed to have put that much time and effort into the friggin' thing, only to get my certificate sent in the post on such a cheap-arse amateurish looks-like-it-was-printed-on-a-secondhand-inkjet printer-in-some-loser's-garage piece of paper. Now that would have been a real let-down.

What do you mean, I sound bitter???

Congratulations to those who did pass, whatever level you took (that means you Kinki!!).