opinios

An Insight into Office Politics

Client: So what's the solution?
Project Manager: Well, what are your requirements?
Client: We need this to happen.
PM: Ok, well how about this?
Client: Well, you tell me, you're the experts.
PM: Ok, this is it. This is the solution that we propose.
Client: But that would be impossible. That part of the system is operated by the sub-sub-contractors that we have no contact with, so we can't do anything to it.
PM: Um, ok. Well let's move the customisation to this part of the system. It's a bit more inefficient but it will work.
Client: Hmmm.
PM: What?
Client: Well we don't know what format the files will be in that system, and that system is provided by the sub-sub-sub-contractors, so we definitely can't rely on them to change anything.
PM: Well, if that's the case, then you're stuffed.
Client: Hey, I'm the client. Give me a solution.
PM: Grrr. Well the sub-contractor for this part of the system can make custom changes, surely?
Client: Maybe. I'm meeting with them tomorrow.
PM: Well if so then I suppose you could do this. It's ugly and there is a lot of duplicated data, and we don't know how much that sub-contractor will quote you for it, but I think that's your only option.
Client: I think you might be right.
PM: Of course it is out of scope from the original contract and you'll have to raise a Change Request for it. It'll probably take a couple of weeks to write up.
Client: Hey, I'm the client. Give me a solution. If you think it's out of scope, you raise the change request for how many days you think it'll take, and we'll either approve it or reject it.
PM: Right.
Client: So you'll give us a spec for what is required, so we can send it to the sub-contractor?
PM: Sure. Matt will have it for you by COB tomorrow.
Me: *gulp* Um, yeah, tomorrow.

That's right folks. Consultants get paid to write down what they think a client wants, describing in detail how a system they have never seen works, without access to the system or anyone who built it, so they can give it to the vendors of the system who have already been selected for the job, to tell them what the system that they have already built should do. But doesn't.

And you thought consulting was about providing business advice. Shame on you!

Note: the characters and events depicted in this corporate colloquy are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.